Nelly Crain February 19, [1884]

Please don't let any one see this
Feb 19	I wish phil would go to Colorado with you.
	I think it would be as well for him.

I wrote a letter one week ago but did not mail it because I wanted to write more. Since then I have attended two funerals and there is another tomorrow. There is lots of sickness here. Mats sister Mary was buried last Tuesday and last Sabbath a young man by the name of Charly Beard. He was a son of Jane Runnels and a fine young man. He had been going to school at Hamilton and was one of many schoolmates. He was a member of the Disciples Church and had been attending the ???? meeting at hamilton and studying hard and they thought he must have been somewhat deranged for he went to the drugstore in the morning and bought arsnic and went to school and went home at night and took it. This was on Saturday and he lived till the next Saturday morning. I suppose his suffering was great. I never heard of a death that made me feel so sad. That was no kindred of mine. His poor mother was almost frantic. I can't keep him out of my mind. Although I never saw him but once they have three other boys all young men but this was called the best one. It seems hard that one so talented should come to their death in that way. It is heart rending there was a very large funeral and that many couldn't near all quit guet in the church. The young woman that will be buried tomorrow is John Clarks daughter.
Marry is not at all well. I afraid she will have the consumption yet and Mat is sick and Ted is about sick and I don't know of anyone that is well.
[in the margin she has noted: "read and burn it"]

don't let william see this

Feb 29d    since the above there has much occurred. Mat slipped on the ice and broke both bones and put her wrist out of place. Lizzy has been out and gone back. She only stayed two Night with me and I am Lonesomer than I was before she came. I feel as though I had no visit and have not had a good nights sleep since she went for thinking. When I think that I have only one Brother left and to think that he aint honest and I can't think otherwise it grieves me to the very heart if I have any. I sometimes feel as though I had no heart. I wish I had wings that I could fly a way where I could never see nor hear of any more of this world deceitfulness. But Livia seems to think Phil is all right but if she had lived what I have and seen what I have seen she would think different. You may be thankful that you have not lived where you could see how things have went but I hope I may have grace to forgive them but it seems as though my love was all gone. He has been out to Michigan and found an old maid Shollman that has never done anything but dress and put on stile and if he could see steal and guet rid of everything here I suppose he would marry and put on stile a few years but you must understand she is not rich and if he guets his land into money he can soon guet rid of it but it don't make any ods to him so that he can keep it away form the rest.
Mother is guetting better. She says she will take that town property at 5 hundred dollars and she won't give any more for it and I don't know as it would fetch any more for property is very low in hamilton at this present time and there is nothing to make it valuable unless the railroad should start up again. If it should it would be worth a thousand dollars but the house is guetting old and it is old fashioned and the rats have spoiled the cellar wall. It is the nicest situation in town but lute wouldn't let me have it if I could guet it for half price. It seems as though he perfectly hated town and it makes him mad if I speak of town properly and I am so tired of staying here but I shall have to stay here as long as I live or else leave him all together. I was in hopes I could guet away this spring but I shall have to give it up and if you go off again this spring I may as well give up ever seeing you again.

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